So I recently started a new job at a toxicology lab, and my overarching desire for a career that involves helping real people in real social contexts is reiterated in my head several times a day. I studied biology in college and for a long time believed that I wanted to be a scientist. Now that my job involves biology in it's rawest sense, including the euthanasia and necropsy of test animals; I have gotten a better glimpse of how I understand my content area as well as how I will pass that understanding on to my future students.
Don't get me wrong, I am still a science nerd, and wearing a lab coat and PPE (personal protective equipment) makes me feel quite important. My scientific knowledge and course work from college has been very relevant to what goes on daily at my job, but each day I leave feeling both satisfied and completely unsatisfied. (Not to mention, I am an animal lover and the things I've seen are, well, not too pretty...believe me, you don't want to know.) I love science, but I love it in a way that makes me want to make others love it too. That is not to say that I do not respect it in its own right, I just feel that this job has shown me that I cannot sit at a lab bench all day dissecting rats. To me, human interaction must be the essential part of my future profession rather than a mere consequence of my job.
Teaching is the best of both worlds in this sense. Not only do I get to continue learning and discuss scientific topics daily, but I also get to show others the beauty I see in science. Along the way, I can educate and influence my students in meaningful ways that go far beyond the topic of biology. I know that seems corny and "pie in the sky", but after coming home from a long day of seeing the insides of animals, it sounds damn good to me. In fact, I am smiling right now.
I am elated at the fact that soon I will be out of the lab and into the classroom. I think that is where my real career path will begin. Unfortunately, as for now I am in desperate need of both a salary as well as medical benefits, so as for now it looks like I will be returning to work tomorrow.
3 comments:
Hahahahahahahaha....LOL, Your blog sounds so very revealing of self interest, not to mention I am in the same boat as you.
I have been ignoring the call ever since my second year, due to my doubtful desire to be a scientist.
I am working at MDL for the same reasons you stated, and as much as I like to test for HPVs, HIVs, Gonorrheas and so on, I still feel the overwhelming necessity to be in the public spot light improving and changing lives.
So I share your dilemma and aspiration to be where you ant and need to be.
I guess after all, differences in culture is not one of the determining factor affecting dreams and goals.
I can really relate to what you're saying. I do love science (most of the time) but the daily grind really has me worn down at this point. Being a scientist is really not all that exciting 99.9% of the time. Necropsies are fun though. :) Actually I'm thankful in my current job I'm not the one "harvesting" the animals. It's not something I've ever really enjoyed doing though.
Personally, I think I'll do more good to the cause of science as a teacher, trying to transmit my love of science to the next generation, than I ever will in the lab.
And your comment about what you've been forced to do to animals is probably why I never made it past Basic bio in college. I still have nightmares about the fetal pig...
And yet, I can watch open heart surgery on TV and be fascinating.. the blood, the pumping heart... very cool.
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